They win. I have completely lost any sense of direction in this moment. Any sense of being the leader of this small band. It is a complete and total mutiny.

I could yell and scream to get their attention, but to what end? I could give them all the consequences, or take away electronics, or no dessert for the week, or .....whatever. Again I ask, to what end? When children have mental/behavioral health issues traditional and sometimes natural consequences often don’t work.

For instance, one of my kids refuses to JUST WALK down the stairs. They will hop, slide, wiggle, go backwards, or even headfirst down the stairs. They have been hurt often doing these things while going down the stairs. Does that stop them from doing anything other than JUST WALKING down the stairs? No, the answer is most definitely, no.

What is my sage advice for this trying situation?

Listen, I told you, when I started this blog that I don’t have all the answers. Tonight feels like I know absolutely nothing about parenting. I feel clueless, powerless, small, and honestly like a failure.

What I do know is this; I am just going to let them win tonight. I am choosing to put up the white flag and surrender. Somedays the battle is just lost...

I’ve learned when I feel this way that I have to surrender. I let go of the reigns, tell the kids my expectations and then I just. have. to. wait. Wait for them to be ready to complete the task (in this case putting on PJ’s). Wait for them to be ready to go upstairs for the night time routine. I just. have. to. wait.

I have started trying to talk very quietly, almost whisper when they are like this. They don’t always hear me but, when they do, it forces them to pause and really listen. (Fair warning this doesn’t always work. I am just trying very hard to break a habit.)

I am fortunate enough to have a partner that I can tag during these times. I took the kids to my monthly parent support group so my partner could get a little break. I came home exhausted. There was something tonight that hyped them up. I honestly don’t know what it was. Normally, I’m pretty good at knowing what riled them up or stressed them out.

Tonight I had know idea. As I sit here contemplating this, I’ve decided that’s ok. It is ok that I don’t know what set them off, ok that I took a break, ok that I let my partner take the lead. It is going to be ok.

I know I made the right decision to step away before I made a wrong choice. I know that my kids will go to sleep knowing that I love them no matter what. Instead of wondering why I was so mad.

And I know that in the grand scheme of things this is one small moment. If I had been reactive I would have regretted it. I would have damaged not only my relationship with my children but also their trust in me.

I am not clueless, powerless, small or a failure. I love my children enough to have the patience to meet them where they are at. I have the confidence to know that letting them “win” this battle is still a success. Because I supported them with what they needed in this moment. They needed the space to be happy, joyful and excited about life. Nothing is accomplished by taking their joy away.

I won tonight by stepping back and taking this one day, one hour, one minute at a time. And today that is enough.