Making holiday traditions accessible 

Holidays are tricky in general even for an adult person.  They’re fraught with rules that only come up once a year, social expectations outside of the ordinary. Today we carved pumpkins as a family.  Two of my children said before we had even started that they “don’t like touching the inside guts” but they still want to be involved in the process of creating their own pumpkin. And three out of the four don’t have the focus or body strength to carve it.  

So, How do we precede? 

• First we prep the kids.  

• We make sure that everyone is not hungry, and has used the bathroom (who wants to pee with pumpkin hands).  

• I usually give them electronics when we’re prepping for a project.  Then I can prepare the space as I need to without the constant interruption.  

• We tell them before they start electronic time that it will be brief because we’re going to (insert fun activity).  

I bought a sturdy table cloth a while ago that we just use for pumpkin carving. We lay that down for both easy clean up and for excellent design ideas.  My table cloth has about 20 different pumpkin faces to choose from. I give them a paper and pencil first and tell them to draw the pumpkin that they want to make.  Once they have chosen a face we explain (again) the process of carving the pumpkins.  

1) The parent or adult will cut out a hole in the bottom of the pumpkin so that you can scoop the seeds and the guts out.  

2) You can use the scoop or your hand to put the seeds and guts in a baking pan beside you. 

3) A parent or adult will make sure which face you want and then we will draw it on the pumpkin for you. 

4) The parent or adult will cut out your pumpkin while you play in the guts

5) You can play with the guts or seeds till you’re done or it’s dinner time.  

6) Before bed we’ll go on the porch and see what our pumpkins look like in the dark.

Our kids are little right now so they really can’t do too much in the pumpkin carving process but, again, they want to supervise every step and they mostly love sensory experiences.  Although, the pumpkin guts ended up being too “slimy” for our youngest.  Our four year old ended up changing their mind and playing in the guts about halfway through.  We figured out that their real fear was about getting it on their clothes.  Once we put an apron on they were all in. 

It is a tricky project. My partner is especially excellent at keeping them engaged. He asks them questions about the pumpkins then they started telling a story about the goop that came out and how it formed into a blob named, Cookie. And the blob wanted to watch the pumpkin get carved.  Was that weird for the guts to watch the outside get carved? I don’t remember but we plunged onward and had a grand old time. 

These are the moments that inspire me.  A glimpse of normalcy in the chaos.  Even though what we went through today was not stereotypical at all, it worked for us.  And made an enjoyable memory for our kids.  

It would have been easier to just bring in the pumpkins and say, “ok, what do you want your pumpkin to look like?”. But that would have been so stressful for my kids.  They need guidance in some decisions otherwise it becomes overwhelming when they’re asked to make a “significant” decision like this.  When I can present them with a few options and a structure so that they know what to expect it takes off so much pressure.  It allows them the creative freedom to make choices without worrying about taking on an entire project from scratch. 

We do this kind of thing with most holiday activities.  We have been getting away from public events because there are so many unknowns when you’re not in charge. There are so many more stressors when it’s a public event:

• it can be loud if there are lots of people there

• there is not always the right equipment

• sometime there is a time constraint

• there maybe extra rules or expectations in public

• And on, and on. 

Sometimes it’s just easier to do the thing at home.  

Remember it’s ok to take it one day at a time.