I have a love/hate relationship with after school activities.  

We want our kids to be able to experience different extra-curricular activities. Our hope is, they find something that inspires them, something that they are passionate about, or at least an activity they find interesting.  

There are many positives to extra-curricular activities: extra social enrichment, physical activity, learning a new skill (that’s not academic), working with a group or as a team, life skills, etc. For as many good things as we can list there are an equal number of challenges.  

There are the days I wonder if these activities are worth it. The biggest challenge with extra-curricular activities for us; it changes that child’s routine for the day/night.  A few examples are:

• They must eat at a certain time, before or after the activity. 

• They don’t necessarily get electronic time for as long as they would like. 

• They have a limited time to do their homework.

It’s hard for my kids when their “normal” schedule is changed, even if it happens the same day and time every week. 

Nights with kid's activities can set me spiraling. I just want to throw up my hands while my kid is melting down and say, “Great, no problem, we’ll just stay home”.  I have actually done that a couple of times. It didn’t solve anything.  Then the kid is mad that they don’t get to go to...insert activity (the one they just melted down about because they didn’t want to go).

I often have to remind myself; I am the adult. Throwing an adult temper tantrum because your child is expressing their emotions is not a responsible parenting choice. We have to remember that with kids, all emotion is communication.

Aright, that’s the problem. Do I have a solution? No. I’m sorry to say that I haven’t figured out a good method for transitioning my kids into extra curricular activities. It’s not for lack of trying. I’ve read books and blogs, listened to podcasts, went through PCIT training (Parent Child Interaction Therapy), and a plethora of other things.

I just know they may be upset during the transition and once we get in the car or to the activity they are usually, better. Sometimes...

Great, another article with no solution...why am I writing this blog again? Why are you reading this again? I truly hope this blog helps you feel like you’re not alone. Kids are tough. And no, it’s not just your kid acting some way. There are many people experiencing something similar. You’re doing great!

OK, so...I may not have a solution for your child (or my child) but I can tell you what helps me navigate this situation without losing my mind.  

Self Care! Self Care! Self Care!

This is why I think self care and mental health is so important. I can’t emphasize this enough. Proper self care can help you keep you calm, can help you see the bigger picture, and can charge your battery so you don’t burnout. There are an abundance of benefits.

How does self care do all that and more?

By taking time for self care you are creating the healthy mental space which enables you to give your children the emotional support they need when they need it. You CANNOT pour from an empty cup.  There are thousands of books and many scientific studies to back this up. 

You may be disappointed that I don’t have a solution to this situation for your kid(s). I am not sure if there is one. 

What do we do then? This is one example of a routine that we do with our kids.

We try to prep them in the morning before school.  “Remember today you have (activity).  When we come home from school we are going to: have a snack, take a short tab break, do homework and then if we have time you can play for a few minutes before (activity)”.  

After school we give them the exact same reminder.  Sometimes we switch it up and ask them, “Do you remember what we’re doing after school?”. Because we’ve drilled this in, often they can parrot the routine back to us.  

Fair warning: A child parroting the plan/expectations for that day does not mean it will all go smoothly.  

Their logical brain knows what the routine and the expectations are but their emotional brain says that it’s more fun to just play with their toys than make a transition...even though that transition is something they enjoy. 

One of the hardest things for me during the transition period is that I agree with them. I want to spiral out with them and just stay home. I can’t be the only parent where, once I’m home, I just want to stay home. I’d rather read, play, eat...almost anything except go out again. Home is comfortable and safe, I know what to expect while I’m here (most days). 

This is where the self care comes in. If you’re in the habit of taking time for you, then you allow yourself the mental space to take a step back, breathe. It is so much easier to give children the emotional support and patience that they need during this transition period when you are calm. 

The closest thing to a solution that we’re going to get is this - Patience. Be patient with yourself so that you can be patient with your little people too.  

It’s ok to take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time.