Our family recently went to a new Children’s museum “close” to our house. When we take our kids out to a new place there is a process we loosely follow. We have tried just walking into a place and expecting it to go smoothly but when we do that it often ends up being a disaster.  So, it’s better for us, to prep the kids and ourselves for the experience. 

When our kids enter a new environment, their brains go into overdrive trying to decode unfamiliar patterns and expectations.  If they’re excited to visit a new place that can make the mental load more intense. 

In this article, I will first discuss the kids struggles, then we’ll talk about the process my partner and I go through to make a plan for success. 

The Struggles:

Cognitive and emotional challenges:

• Executive function overload: New places can seem tricky simply because there is a lot of information to take in.
• Uncertainty and anxiety: They may be asking themselves, “What are the rules here?”. “Is there a bathroom?”. “What if I get bored?” What can I eat?
• Fear of failure: Some kids resist new experiences because they worry they won’t be good at them. 

Transitions and flexibility:

• Difficulty with transitions: Moving from one activity or location to another can feel abrupt or disorienting.
• Inflexibility: They may have expectations or an idea of how the day will go. It can be distressing when that expectation or idea is not fulfilled. 

Sensory Sensitivities:

• Sensory overload: New smells, sounds, lighting, textures-really any sensory item that is not familiar to them. 

Needed recovery time:

• After a new and/or overwhelming experience they often need quiet time or something familiar to reset their nervous system. 

Social Navigation: (This one is huge for my kids)

• Unclear social norms: Figuring out who is in charge, how to interact with an activity or group, what behavior is expected or rules need followed.
• Impulsivity: They may interrupt, wander off or act out before they even have time  to process the situation.
• Waiting in line: They see so many things that they want to do and waiting in line is not one of them.  They may know that there is a line but they just don’t want to wait - or they may struggle to recognize the line in front of the activity. 

Time management: 

• Expectations: They want to do ALL the things. And they may have anxiety building throughout the day around the possibility of NOT being able to do everything. 

The above is not an exhaustive list but a short summary of challenges that my kids face when entering a new environment.  It’s taken us a long time and a LOT of trial and error to figure out what we can do to support them in these situations.  They are not trying to misbehave or “act-out” - their brains are just “Differently Wired”*. 

Below is our “process”; The questions we ask ourselves before we go, the things we may talk about with our kids before we go, and some of the accommodations we make to offer the best opportunity for our kids to enjoy wherever or whatever we’re doing.

The process: 

1) Planning the outing: 

How far away is it? This museum was a little over an hour away assuming no potty stops. This means we need to feed the kids before they get in the car, or pack snacks for the car, or eat before we enter the museum. We also make sure the kids music playlist is up to date, and their tablets have shows downloaded since they won’t have WiFi on the road.

• How much is it? Do we need to bring cash? Can we pay online to save time when we get there? Are there any exhibits, rooms, or attractions that are an additional cost?
• Do we qualify for a discount? Some places will have a discount for families that have state insurance. All of our kids are on state insurance because of their adoption or special needs.
• Is it worth buying a yearly pass? Even if there is a discount, sometimes it is better for our family to invest in a yearly pass. There are six of us which means most of the time the yearly pass pays for itself after 1.5 trips. Any other time we go back it would be a bonus.  

2) Plan the Visit: 

• We look at the venue and what it has to offer.  We consider what exhibits our kids might be interested in seeing the most. In this children’s museum there was an exhibit all about the human body. It had activities regarding muscles, blood flow, bones, digestion, etc. Our seven year old sometimes get’s scared or anxious around graphic pictures, so we had to have a conversation with her about it before we went, prepping her for what she would see and experience. We talked to everyone about some of the different exhibits and what they might like to see.
• We made sure they knew that we were going to be spending all day there and we would get to everything.  There would be three adult groups so that if we wanted to split up and see different things we could.
• Parking: Some places have parking for pass holders and some don’t. This museum was downtown in a big city so we purchased a parking pass online before we went. 

3) Expectations: 

• We conveyed to the kids a food plan. We were not planning on eating at the museum because of the price of food there. We would take some snacks in the car and have lunch before entering the museum. And we would be home in time for dinner.
• We try to make sure they understand the social rules for the place that we are going.  Since this building was large and we were not sure if there would be a lot of people we wanted to stick together as much as we could.
• We had 3 adult groups to chaperone. One we paired with Marii(11) because she had requested that group. One of us took the seven year old. And the two littles were with another adult since they generally enjoy similar activities and get along well together.  We were together as a group a fair amount and there were some times we split.
• We had to tell the kids we were not planning on buying anything at the gift shop.  The shop was positioned right at the entrance and we knew they would all want to buy something. There are times when we let them get a little something but we decided to skip it this time.
• We also reminded them, since there would be other kids there, there may be a line or a wait for an activity. Lines are torturous for my kids. Fortunately, places like children’s museums have fun things to look at while we’re waiting. We’ll play “I Spy”, sing a song, play “Would you rather?”, play pass a story (one person starts a story, after a minute or two the other person jumps in and continues the story), etc. And sometimes it is better to move to a different activity until whatever they are waiting for is open.
• And every once in a while...we all come in with an expectation that may not be met.  For instance, when I was prepping for this children’s museum, I saw a picture of a slide coming out of a rocket ship. My kids were excited about this slide. After we had gone through the whole museum and were about to leave my three year old asked about the slide. At this point all the kids started getting distressed because they didn’t see the slide. We told them we would ask about it and see what we could find out.  The worker told us that the Rocket-ship slide was in the old building and didn’t get moved to the new location. I started panicking...I knew this was not the answer that my kids wanted.  
  I took a deep breath gathered the kids and delivered the “bad news”. Immediately, they all started melting down. I took a deep breath and worked to regain their attention before it escalated. I got down on their level and said, “I know this is upsetting that we didn’t get to go on the rocket-ship slide. Sometimes there are things that we can’t control, but instead of being sad we can talk about all the fun things we did do today. What was the silliest thing you saw today?” Redirect, redirect, redirect. It’s also important to validate their feelings in these situations. It tells them that they are being heard. There will be things that are simply out of our control. This is just a reality, and helping our kids see the good outweigh the disappointment is a hard lesson but it will help them in long run. 

Now, I will say that we were not always this organized for outings with the kids, and there are times where it gets away from us because of life. This is the “ideal” the “goal”. It’s never going to be perfect, that’s just life. Sometimes, something triggers one of the kids in a way we didn’t anticipate. You can’t plan for everything but whatever planning you do will make the unexpected easier.

In the end the thing the kids remember the most is the fun we had while we were there. We make a point of being in the moment with them, putting away our phones except for pictures and immersing ourselves in the experience too. It’s these special moments during the chaos that is “life” you don’t want to miss.  

These are the moments I cling to on a hard day, when all the kids are mad for whatever reason, when everything is going wrong, when I feel like I’m failing as a parent. When I stop to take my deep breaths, close my eyes and remember these precious moments. Breathe in and remember the joy. This is how you make it through one day at a time.