We LOVE when family visits us.  I do NOT want anyone to think that this post is about “unwanted” visitors.

Ok now that’s out of the way and, hopefully, I won’t offend anyone. I want to take time in this article to be real about what it looks like for us when our family comes to visit. 

How I imagine people without kids prepare for visitors to their house. They work (theoretically, we’re talking about normal people not the 1%), they come home and relax for a few minutes, eat dinner, clean their space,then proceed with their nightly routine. Maybe they add a grocery shopping trip to their week and plan something fun for the visitors to do while they’re in town.  

Simple, effective, straight forward. Sounds nice doesn’t it. 

What the week or two proceeding a visitor to our house looks like....

I work, I did my normal chores, I made time for my writing, I read one chapter in my book over the span of a week (very disappointing since I’m at the end and desperate to know how it’s going to resolve). I added a grocery trip which took almost two hours. I put a very small amount of thought into additional activities we could do while our family is here. I try to plan activities that are enjoyable both for my kids and the visitors. I really should have done more planning, but I know the people coming are here to visit with our family not tour the area. In addition to the normal amount of preparations made for visitors we also had:

• Four different appointments to transport kids to within that week 
• Kids toys to re-home back to the play room

• A whole list of additional cleaning duties that have been neglected because, life 
  • the kitchen counters
  • a deep clean of the bathrooms
  • brief re-organization of the pantry to make it more accessible and ready for  use (getting some stuff off the floor)
  • making sure the laundry is done so that we don’t have to worry about it while  our guests are here
  • making an actual meal plan so that we’re not just haphazardly winging it like  we normally do
  • cleaning the car...because, kids
  • one business meeting for the blog with a follow-up e-mail that I ran out of  time to reply to.  

It’s overwhelming, I should start earlier preparing everything but it just doesn’t happen. There are simply just not enough hours in a day. 

The whole family has to pitch in to get everything done, which the kids are not thrilled about. They are excited for our family to come and visit but they have zero desire to do any extra chores.  The promise of “fun” and visitors is not enough to motivate them. 

I can’t emphasize enough their displeasure with the added work. My oldest told me, “We can walk through the house, isn’t that enough?!”. Meanwhile there is trash (they like to leave food wrappers around or my three year old leaves a trail of food on the floor), laundry, dishes, toys, books, craft supplies and other miscellaneous items on the floor.  

So what’s my solution? The first thing I do is take time to plan by making an age appropriate chore list. I break it down to small manageable tasks such as, pick up the dishes from the floor, clear the artwork from the table, take the laundry from the living room to the washer. Simple, small things that even my three year old can help with. In addition to the chores I try to meal plan some things with the kids.  It’s just easier to make one dish for everyone but they are very picky so I consult them. They usually enjoy the meal planning.  

When the list is done, I divide the tasks by days and family members. If we have seven days and twenty-one chores that’s three extra chores a day to complete.If this is new for you or if your kids are reluctant like mine give your self a little wiggle room. Since each item on the list is smaller (five to seven minutes) this also helps because it seem like less work. 

Alright, let’s address the elephant in the room.  I can hear some of you saying, “You’re the parent! You shouldn’t have to put all this extra work into getting your kid to do chores.” There is a part of me that agrees with you, but my reality is that 1) ADHD kids struggle to stay on task with anything including chores, 2) I’m trying to break the cycle of authoritarian parenting.  

I want my kids to feel successful when they have accomplished a task, so I break it down. I want them to learn time management skills, so I make a plan. I want them to build their sense of identity and belonging, so we work together in a way that says, “You matter here. This space belongs to you too.” And I want them to learn responsibility and accountability, so I teach them that certain things need to be done consistently and that our family relies on them too. Yes, even the three year old. These skills are not innate they have to be taught. 

Would it be nice if they would just do these extra chores without all this extra effort? Yes. But I’m willing to put in a little extra work, even with our busy schedule to teach them these lessons in the hopes of fostering lifelong growth. 

The next strategy that aids in this process is making it FUN! I hear your eyes rolling again, but even I need motivation and inspiration to do “hard” things too. So here’s some of the things that we have tried: 

• Add music! This should be a no brainer but it’s easy to forget in the moment.  Let them pick the music that they want to listen to and sing along.
• Make it a game.
  • Who can bring me the most (dishes, dinosaur toys, socks, pieces of  trash)?
  • Try a count down. Set a timer on your favorite device, pick the item they  are searching for and  go.
  • Get a basket and play “basketball” with a group of items, assuming those  items are not breakable.
  • Play pretend: be a pirate and command your buccaneers, or a Soldier  commanding your troops, a King or Queen, or anything else.  Tell a story while you’re cleaning. Kids like to see you being silly sometimes. 
  • and lastly, DO IT TOGETHER! It’s not just about getting stuff done.  Take the opportunity to bond with your children making this an intentional family activity and celebrating your success afterward.  

I know this is just one more thing to add to your mental load. I promise you that it’s worth it. In the end it’s going to take some things off your plate because your family will be working as a team. 

One strategy might work better one day and worse the next time.  Keep cycling through them.  Look for other ideas online to inspire you. 

If there is total mutiny (because this is a new thing), take a step back, take time to reset and calm down (both you and the kids), when you feel ready take a minute to explain your “why” and “how we’re going to accomplish this”. Make sure they know that you don’t expect them to do this alone and this is a chore that should take five minutes or less. 

So take a deep breath, ground yourself, make a plan, and make it fun.  You got this! I believe in you. Put one foot in front of the other and take it one chore at a time.